Things you learned but wished you hadn't...

You can't help but wonder what your kids have learned that you wished you hadn't taught them, if, of course, you have kids. 

Everyone says he or she won't commit the same mistakes one's parents made, and that may be right.  But rest assured, you'll make a whole batch of new mistakes and few of the old ones.

I can remember wandering around high school from class to class with a frown on my face because I thought that's the way people usually looked.  That's because my mother had a permanent frown from having to deal with my dad.  I can remember times when she had lots of fun, would dance to her favorite records, have parties and be enthusiastic.  As time went by, especially after we lived in Michigan, it all went away. 

One time I asked her why she hadn't divorced Dad, and she had a number of pretty good reasons, but I've always wondered if any of them had been worth giving up her joy in life.  You can't judge someone's reasons for doing things or not doing things if you haven't lived in that person's skin, so all I can do is speculate. 

Mom had a stream of complaints about Dad, her friends, other people's problems, as if she simply couldn't get by without finding some place to express an anger that surely had nothing to do with the things that bothered her.  She never put a stop to Dad's snide remarks made in public by answering him in public--a sure-fire way of short-circuiting people who try to hide behind good manners and decorum in order to get a jab in here or there without fearing a response.  Most people won't snap back at you in public, thus the protection. 

Once, after Mom had gone into the endless supplies of her best friend's faults, idiocies, and problems of the friend's own making, I asked her how this person could be her best friend if she was such a dolt and a pest.  The question seemed to leave her speechless for a minute or two, as if she had never wondered about that herself. 

I'm thankful I managed to get past that unfortunate style of relating to people; some of my friends are so different from me that it is puzzling how we get along at all, but we set everything else aside--political, religious, or family attitudes--and they just don't seem to matter.  A person can spout all kinds of silliness, but if the individual acts with a generous, caring spirit, what do the opinions matter?  As we say in Spanish, "Obras son amores", or it's what you do that shows your soul, not what you say.  Words are powerful, but they can also be cheap.