Oddities on the jogging path...

Since I had to wait until eleven o'clock to jog today, a whole new group of people infested the park. It was hotter, and my half hour seemed like most of the day. When will I ever improve?

In reality, my mind goes into overdrive while I jog, which is one reason most people don't need music or other entertainments while running. It's just too damned fun watching other people, also.

I passed a guy strolling along, cell phone pressed to his ear. I heard a snatch of conversation:

"No, man, I haven't been able to get off pot, I've got a terrible case of diarrhea and all I do is flush!"

My imagination ran rife:

"Watson, what do you make of the case?"

"Well, Holmes, we know one thing for a fact: the subject is not on the can because he is strolling down the jogging path."

"Exactly, Watson! There are, then, a number of possibilities, and our job is to discover which one is the truth behind this case."

Holmes begins to ennumerate on his fingers:

"One, the subject is lying to his boss because for some reason he didn't go to work today. Two, he is quoting someone else and the bit of conversation overheard refers not to the subject, but to a mysterious, unfortunate third party. Or three, and here I want you to screw your attention to the sticking point, the subject is wearing Depends."

My mind didn't go on with this fantasy because a couple, arm in arm, passed me going in the opposite direction. I know why they were arm in arm: the woman would have been hard pressed to hold herself upright otherwise. She had on her feet a pair of shoes advertised on television and apparently they are selling like hotcakes. They look sort of like a combination of tennis shoes and a tugboat. According to the ad, these marvels of modern science make your walking the equivalent of a workout in the gym: they will eliminate cellulite from your elephantine thighs, lift your buttocks, turn your abdomen into a washboard, and lift your boobs. They require almost as little effort as the amazing BioShaker, a small platform you sit, stand, or lean on and which shakes the living daylights out of you--producing, oddly enough, cellulite-free thighs, washboards abs, and lifted buttocks and boobs.

The shoes are so rocking chair-like as to defy gravity, and some of the people who model the shoes on television--except for one older woman who seems to be receiving no benefit whatsoever from the shoes except for a very strange stride--spend hours at a gym doing ab crunches. But hey, it doesn't matter. If they get a couple out of the house and into the park, walking along arm in arm, that may be worth the price of the shoes. It sure as heck makes my jog a lot more fun.